I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
