the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
