a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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