is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
