Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize