Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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