Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
