so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
