dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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