He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
