not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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