All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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