Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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