this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
