so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
