Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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