It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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