and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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