i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
