He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
