needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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