this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
