If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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