I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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