im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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