She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
