my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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