He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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