i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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