Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
