Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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