The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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