She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
