Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
