Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
