i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
