I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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