By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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