as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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