i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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