I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Farmville is her only friend.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
