the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
