we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
