I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
