Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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