Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
