If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
