I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
