3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
