It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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