you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
