i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
