My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
