he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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