I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
