I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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