the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
