I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
