I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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