defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
