i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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