all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
