O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
