All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
