Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize