My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
