Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
