we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
