Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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