I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
