I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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